Sığınırım

اعوذ

Sığınırım. Kime?

Hâlık-ı Zülcelâl’e. Kâdir-i Mutlak’a.

Sığınan kim?

Ben. Benliğimi idrak edebiliyorsam, varım diyebiliyorsam ve kendimi var etmeye gücümün yetmediğinin de farkındaysam Ben’i var edeni bulmalı ve O’na sığınmalıyım.

Sığınan, ben. Yani muhtaç olan. Zelîl, hakîr, fakîr… Utanmadan isteyen hep isteyen. Gidecek başka kapısı olmayan. Diğer kapıların bir bir kapandığını ve aslında açılmaya takatleri olmadığını tecrübe eden. Yanlış mecralarda oyalanıp, suçlu bir çocuk mahcubiyetiyle elinde kırık dökük amelleri ve yanağında yaşlarla boynu bükük bekleyen…

Sığınan, ben. Benliğim, kulluğumun mihenk taşı.

Beni idrak, kulluğu idrak.

***

اعوذ بالله

Sığınırım. Kime? Allah’a!..

Ey Zû’l-Celâli ve’l-İkram. Seni idrak edemem. Sadece bildirdiğin kadar… Evsafına sığınırım nurunun bana ışıdığı miktar. Bildiğim tek bir şey var. Sana tutunmazsa benliğim, ummanda küçücük bir kayık gibi kaybolur gider.  Euzu’den sonraki ‘bâ’ var ya işte onunla bağlıyım sana. Noktasındaki sırlar ne kadar açılırsa kayığım o kadar selamette.

Sık sık tekrar ederim kelimeyi. Gafletim felaketim olur; yakınlığım kurtuluşum, umudum, neşem, hasretim, sürûrum, sadakatim ahdim, tesellim…

***

Ne o, yan gözle bakanlar mı var!

Cennet rüyamı bozup yasak ağacın meyvelerini iştahlı bir şekilde ısırıp ağzımı sulandıran da kim?

Ilık rayihalar eşliğinde kulağıma ebedilik muştusunu fısıldayan bu tatlı ses de nerden?

Damarlarımdaki kanı kim kışkırtıyor… Ayaklarım, hoş kokular yayılan şu ağaca doğru nasıl da koşuyor?

Yasak mı vardı? Ama çok tatlı… Bir tadımlık ne olacak ki!

Hayır, hayır!

Bu eski bir hikâye. İlk atamızla anamıza oynanan . Âdemoğluna hem miras hem ibret olan.

 

***

اعوذ بالله من الشيطان الرجيم

Sığınırız ey Rabbimiz, Sana! Kimden?

En baş düşmandan. Apaçık, nasıl görmem.

Hani şu cennetten kovulan. Hani taşlanan. İki diyarımızı da cehenneme çevirecek olan. İhaneti, dalaleti kendine yoldaş kılan. Gücü olmadığı halde kendini güçlü sanan… Şer yoluna baş koyan. Vesvese verip zoru gördüğünde kaçan.

Sığınırız ey Rabbimiz.

Kulluğuna, zatına, şanına, ismine, merhametine sığınırız.

Sen bizi yarı yolda komazsın. Sen bizi perişanlık çöllerinde bîtap bırakmazsın. Kuvvet, kudret sende; azamet, izzet sende.

Şimdi yeniden başlama sırası bizde. Hayata, varlığa, huzura, O’nun adıyla, O’nun adına.

Bismillah…

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            

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